Blog Archives

Need For Space Test

16 questions, 10 min

Are you able to give your significant other the space he/she needs, or do you have an uncontrollable urge to spend every waking moment with him/her? While spending quality time together is essential for happy and healthy relationship, constant togetherness can lead to codependency or even drive a partner away. Find out whether you’re a space-giver or space-crowder by taking this romantic space profile test.

Read every statement carefully and indicate which option applies best to you. There may be some questions describing situations that you feel are not relevant. In such cases, select the answer you would most likely choose if you ever found yourself in similar circumstances. After finishing the test, you will receive a personalized interpretation of your score that includes a graph and information on the test topic and helpful tips.

 

10 Tips for Fighting Fair

Couples who argue disrespectfully will likely break-up.
Published on February 9, 2012 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Every couple argues. Some of the do it overtly by yelling at each other while others do it covertly by avoiding contact and conversation. Whatever the method, the result is the same – hurt feelings and disenchantment. Here are my tips to help you argue constructively, if done correctly it can be a pathway to growth and problem solving.

  1. Understand that anger itself is not destructive. There is a vast difference between anger and rage. When someone is angry they need to state their feelings, they don’t break things or relationships – that is ragefull behavior.
  2. Talk about your feelings before you get angry. When you or your partner can approach the situation as it happens and deal with it in a safe way, it may not get to the point of being an argument. Sometimes things just need to be verbalized and most arguments can be avoided if your partner understands how you feel.
  3. Don’t raise your voice. It’s amazing how issues of hurt feelings or differences can be resolved with a whisper. I counsel couples who are yellers to only communicate with a whisper and it greatly reduces the anger factor in their relationships.
  4. Don’t threaten your relationship. And don’t take every argument as a threat to your relationship. This type of emotional blackmail puts the other partner in a panic/flight or flight mode. While you’re telling them you want to leave, they may be making plans to find a roommate. In addition, they may be so devastated by the thought of losing their family they can go into a deep depression and be unable to give you what it is you need.
  5. Don’t stockpile. This is where you bring up issues from the past to use as a hammer against whatever problem your partner has asked for help with. Deal with their issue first and if you really have unresolved feelings from past problems talk about them at another time.
  6. Don’t avoid your anger. If you stuff your feelings long enough you will explode and say or do things that you will regret. Anger does not diminish love, you can be angry with those you love. In fact the ones we love hurt us the most because we love them the most.
  7. Create a process for resolving problems without anger. Start by each of you taking five minutes to state your feelings, then take a twenty minute break to think about things and come back to the table for another ten minutes to discuss how you think you can best deal with the problem. Also, know that it’s okay if the problem doesn’t get solved right away.
  8. Abuse is NEVER allowed. This includes verbal abuse, any type of violence including slamming doors, breaking plates or hitting. If your arguments escalate to this level you need to leave the house. If one partner ever hits another a police report needs to be made and an appointment with a therapist is mandatory.
  9. Don’t engage. Remember that negative attention is still attention. If your partner tries to goad you into an argument, simply don’t go there. Some people actually like to argue because it gives them a temporary feeling of power and gratification. Avoid being sucked into their need for attention.
  10. Listen to your body. When you are angry your body releases chemicals that may cause you to react in ways that can be destructive to you, your partner and your relationship. Learn to understand your feelings and how the process of anger effects you physically and emotionally.

Research has shown that couples who argue disrespectfully more than twenty percent of the time are probably not going to survive. Hopefully these tips will help you get your arguments under control and reduce the level of energy in those arguments. If not, and if you want to keep your relationship, you need to find a qualified couple’s therapist.

Marital Infidelity: How Common Is It?

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by Michael Castleman
October 15, 2009
Psychology Today

No one knows the true prevalence of infidelity.

Marital infidelity is difficult to research because most people are reluctant to admit it. One survey made headlines showing that only a tiny percentage of spouses cheat. But the researchers interviewed respondents with their spouses present. Duh!

Even without spouses, results depend on how questions are asked. University of Colorado researchers surveyed 4,800 married women using face-to-face interviews and an anonymous questionnaire. In the interviews, only 1 percent said they’d cheated during the past year. But the anonymous questionnaire showed 6 percent.

Meanwhile, controversy clouds the definition of “infidelity.” Most say it’s sex with anyone who isn’t your spouse. But what about spouses who are separated but not divorced? What about open marriages? And don’t-ask-don’t-tell marriages? Is infidelity any sex outside of marriage? Or secret sex? What about people in heterosexual marriages who have homosexual flings? Finally, does cheating require intercourse? What if you have only oral sex? Or handjobs? Or passionate kissing?

Arguably the best research on this subject is the General Social Survey (GSS) conducted annually since 1972 by University of Chicago researchers. For 37 years, they have asked a representative national sample about infidelity. The results have been consistent. Every year, 10 percent of spouses admit cheating–12 percent of men, 7 percent of women.

But in our culture, men with multiple partners are often envied as studs, while similar women are dismissed as sluts. As a result, we would expect men to admit infidelity more freely. In many non-Western cultures, anthropologists have found no gender differences in infidelity rates. Perhaps the same is true for us, but cultural assumptions color admissions.

Recently, the GSS has shown two notable changes–more cheating by spouses over 60 and under 35. These changes have been modest, so it’s hard to know if they are real. But many social scientists contend they are, and have proposed explanations.

Among older folks, the reason most often cited is health. Sex tracks health. Today 60 is the new 40, which might explain the rise in cheating among older spouses. However, while many of today’s 60-somethings are healthier than their counterparts a generation ago, today we have much more diabetes, a condition that often causes sexual impairment, and substantially more obesity, which may make people feel unattractive, and raises risk of arthritis, heart disease, and cancer, all of which reduce libido and sexual function. In addition, older adults take considerably more medications than they did a generation ago. Many drugs cause sex problems, notably, antidepressants and blood pressure medications. So, does better health in those over 60 explain the increases in infidelity? Maybe, maybe not.

Another oft-cited reason for horny elders is erection medication, which some say has encouraged older men to cheat. But two recent studies show that only 10 percent of men over 50 have even tried these drugs, let alone become regular users. With erection medications used by so few older men, how much of a difference could they make?

Maybe rising infidelity has to do with more working women, particularly women traveling on business, which provides opportunities to dally discreetly. But homemakers of yore had plenty of opportunities for extra-marital sex: the postman, milkman, repairmen, and delivery men of all stripes. Meanwhile, cheating is up only in women over 60 and under 35. If travel explains the increase, why hasn’t it risen in women 35 to 59? Most of them work outside the home, and many travel on business.

The fact is, no one knows the true prevalence of marital infidelity and every explanation for supposedly rising rates is open to serious question. What do you think?

Relationship Satisfaction Test (couples with kids)

96 questions, 35 min – Psychology Today

The relationship satisfaction test is designed to evaluate various aspects of interaction in a couple. Unlike other relationship/love tests, the one you are about to take is not based on value judgments about how a relationship is supposed to work. Some behavior patterns are generally unhealthy, either for the relationship or for the individuals involved. However, in other aspects, what works for one couple can be a disaster for another.

In this Relationship Satisfaction Test, YOU are the reference point: your needs, your wishes, your point of view, your values and your beliefs. This test will help you identify areas that cause your relationship to stumble. You might already be aware of some of the problems that will be pointed out (if any). Others, that you might not yet be conscious of, may be the source of frustration and anger that seems to come out of nowhere. In any case, you can use the results of this test as indicators of what areas in your relationship may benefit from some reflection and work./p>

Read every statement carefully and indicate which option applies best to you. There may be some questions describing situations that do not apply to you. In such cases, select the answer you would most likely choose if you ever found yourself in such circumstances.

After finishing the test, you will receive a Snapshot Report with an introduction, a graph and a personalized interpretation for one of your test scores. You will then have the option to purchase the full results.

TAKE THE TEST


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After finishing the test, you will receive a Snapshot Report with an introduction, a graph and a personalized interpretation for one of your test scores. You will then have the option to purchase the full results.

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Life is stressful! How do you react to the stressors of fast-paced living? Do you have the resilience to withstand life’s trials? Are you a survivor? Find out with the Coping Skills Inventory.

Everybody is exposed to stressful situations, both positive and negative. Stress is an integral element in the lives of all creatures, and it plays an important role in survival. Nevertheless, stress can have negative effects on our physical and emotional health. Interestingly, what matters is not the number of stressful situations that we are exposed to nor the amount of stress that we have to withstand. More important is our perception and subjective interpretation of the stressor, and how we react to it. This depends on the personal arsenal of coping skills we have.

Examine the following statements and indicate which option applies best to you. There may be some questions describing situations that do not apply to you. In such cases, select an answer which would be most likely if you ever found yourself in such a situation. After finishing the Coping Skills Test, you will receive a detailed, personalized interpretation of your score that includes diagrams, information on the test topic and tips.

Find out more about this test… –>

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