Monthly Archives: May 2012

Job Posting – New York Insurance Field Investigator

Part Time Surveillance Insurance Claims Investigator  (With the possibility to work Full Time in the future.)

Must own a vehicle, computer and high-definition camcorder.

Candidate should have a clean record.

Candidates should have a minimum of 2 years experience as a field investigator.

Candidate should have excellent report writing skills.

Starting salary $18.00 an hour plus miles

Please send your resume to For more information, please visit our website ICORP Investigations Website. 

Having a Sane Vacation When There is Trouble in Paradise

Co-founders, Divorce Detox™

When a marriage is on the verge of divorce, there is an early stage in the process where change is imminent, but normalcy needs to be maintained for the children. Children depend on structure, ritual and consistency, so parents must keep the family ball rolling even in the face of the despair and confusion they may be experiencing.

Sitting through family dinners with gritted teeth, putting on a happy face for friends and family, and biting their tongues in front of the kids are just a few of the ways couples keep up the marital façade. Parents go to these lengths partly because normalcy is a distraction from the uncertainty that comes with separation, and partly because routine is often the only glue holding a fragile situation together. This is not an easy life to live, and it becomes even more challenging when these tactics have to be maintained through a family vacation.

If a vacation has been planned prior to the split, canceling may be an option. However, the commitment to going often far outweighs the discomfort that comes with vacationing within the confines of an expired marriage. In addition, the financial cost of canceling can be perceived as being much higher than the emotional cost of going. If you are one of the many couples facing an untimely family vacation, don’t worry. There are many ways to make the best of an imperfect vacation situation.

Here are some tips to have a good family vacation when there is trouble in paradise:

Plan ahead

While spontaneous vacations are fun and adventurous, they can even create conflict amongst couples who are discord-free. Knowing how things will unfold and planning things out in advance will help you avoid any unpredictable pitfalls. Decide ahead of time who will be in charge of what. For example, if the trip is to a city where you will be exploring, pick days where each parent will be the tour guide. Fighting over directions or getting lost can easily push hot buttons that create unnecessary conflict. Planning the days out with schedules and specific spots to visit or eat will eliminate standing on a street corner in a state of indecision and agitation. Get on the same page before the trip even starts.

Leave issues behind
If you are someone who holds a grudge, this would be a good time to let things go for a bit. Bringing marital baggage on the trip will weigh everyone down. There are inevitably going to be things that bug each of you throughout your vacation. Remember that you can convey how you feel with a look as much as your voice, so be mindful of rolling eyes, or glaring stares. Setting an intention before you leave for your trip about how you will maintain a sense of peace for the family would be a good idea. Double beds in the room can do wonders.

Set expectations
Many families have very unrealistic expectations of family vacations in general. This leaves everyone vulnerable to disappointment when things don’t go the way everyone imagined. When a marriage is rocky or even over, expectations need to be even more realistic. For example, expecting to spend tons of quality time as a family might not be possible this time around. It’s also unrealistic to expect all of your problems to disappear the minute you arrive at your destination. Let things unfold and find an organic rhythm. Be open to accepting whatever the vacation looks like or turns out to be. Overly high expectations are a sure fire way to feel chronically disappointed.

Use the kids as a buffer
Most couples do this anyway, but your kids can really ease a tense dynamic. We are not implying that your child be used as a pawn, but children can be a good distraction from having to be intimate or spending too much time one on one. Don’t be afraid to tag team with each parent taking one kid, or taking turns getting some alone time while one parent fills in. Children are pretty perceptive so if you are having trouble being pleasant or even civil with your partner around, it might be best to spend time with the kids on your own.

Keep the conversation light
Bringing up heavy issues, or trying to talk things through while on vacation can be complicated. There is nowhere to go if someone wants to walk out and raised voices are not usually welcome in hotels or public places. It’s better not to risk a blow up, so conversations should remain topical and fairly superficial. If issues come up, and they will, write them down. You can even journal about your feelings. It’s not about pretending nothing bothers you, the idea is to tuck it away temporarily. It doesn’t have to be unrealistic or inauthentic. You can commit to simply being aware of your actions, behaviors and moods so you aren’t unconsciously punishing each other without realizing it. If things don’t shift for the better on the trip, you will have plenty of opportunity to revisit any unresolved issues when you return. Think of your vacation as a big time out.

Take space for yourself
Taking time to oneself is important on any vacation. Couples, especially divorcing ones, often feel that they need to be together 24-7 on vacation “for the kids”, but you each deserve to have some rejuvenation time on your own. Everyone needs some self-nurturing and personal space, particularly when going through a challenging time. Doing this will make many things on the trip more tolerable, and will increase your patience for the inevitable stress that comes with family traveling.

Contemplate and self-reflect
Traveling inevitably shifts perspectives and changes perceptions. Getting out of your daily routine and environment provides a great opportunity to see things more clearly. Use your travel experience as a springboard for enlightenment. This might even be a time to start brainstorming about your future, but keep it light and positive. Avoid focusing or ruminating on “all that you have to do” when you get back.

What are your own tips for traveling when there is trouble in paradise?

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Job Posting – Insurance Claims Investigator for New Jersey

Private Investigators

Part Time Surveillance Insurance Claims Investigator  (With the possibility to work Full Time in the future.)

Must own a vehicle, computer and high-definition camcorder.

Candidate should have a clean record.

Candidates should have a minimum of 2 years experience as a field investigator.

Candidate should have excellent report writing skills.

Starting salary $18.00 an hour plus miles

Please send your resume to For more information, please visit our website ICORP Investigations

Concealing Information From Your Divorce Lawyer


This family lawyer presents eye-opening “real life” examples of how concealing information during divorce can backfire.

By Joseph Cordell, Esq.

We tell our clients that the most valuable thing they have in their case is their credibility — their credibility with their lawyer, with their children, with social workers or the GAL, and especially with the judge. “The moment your credibility is called into question, even slightly, is the moment you start to lose ground in your case,” we warn. “The judge has only a very short period of time to get to know you and form an impression of you. If the judge hears one inconsistency, one lie or untruth, it colors everything else you have to say.”

Of course, sometimes a client might honestly forget about a tiny retirement savings plan from three jobs and 15 years ago, or about a small plot of property in the woods that his great-aunt left him 20 years ago. But don’t try to tell your lawyer — or a judge — that you forgot about that offshore bank account you set up two years ago, or about your part-time job as a carpenter. And even if it’s an honest mistake, it makes you look bad if the other side’s lawyer brings up something you have not mentioned. If your wife knows about it, she probably told her lawyer. At trial is not the time to find out that she paid better attention to your financial affairs than you thought she did.

Two Types of Men

Some clients don’t provide any information at all. Two types of men seem to fall in this category. One type doesn’t want a divorce. We tell them what we need, over and over, but they simply don’t give it to us. They think that if they don’t hand over that bank statement or don’t produce those tax records, maybe this whole nightmare will go away. They’re in denial, and thereby denying their lawyer time to review the information and plan the case. Further, they are only delaying the inevitable; opposing counsel will obtain the information by subpoena eventually.

The other men who drag their feet on providing information are the high-flyers, often professionals or executives. Maybe they don’t like the idea of someone telling them what to do when we insist that they “get those records for us.” Maybe they think it’s beneath them; that it’s something that an administrative assistant should handle. Well, we don’t care. Have an administrative assistant handle it. Just get it to us. If you say you can’t find your bank records, we can contact the bank and get them for you, but it is going to cost you time and money, and add significantly to your legal fees. (Most lawyers really do work hard to keep fees down. We profit more by keeping fees down and getting more referrals than by running up avoidable costs.)

I’ve had men try to hide their gambling problems, or “forget” to mention that little detail about a DWI arrest. Inevitably, those things come back to bite us — and surprise us, to make matters worse — at a trial. If your wife knows something about you, then you’d better assume her lawyer is going to know it, too. And if your wife and her lawyer know something about you, they may use it against you. If you once threw a shoe at your wife, I want to know about it — even if you missed her on purpose — because she might cite that as an example of your violent tendencies. If you once said, “I wish I was dead,” I want to know, because she could claim you are suicidal. If you once stuck a few free samples of Claritin in your pocket in the examining room when your doctor’s back was turned, I want to know, because she might cite it as an example of your dishonesty or your reliance on drugs. You might think those are ridiculous examples, but they’re not. Your lawyer needs to know anything and everything your wife might say about you to hurt you or your case.

Even if you are sure it’s something your wife doesn’t know about, tell us anyway. I once had a client who was absolutely sure his wife did not know about a bank account he kept secretly on the side. He had used the money in the account to fund a number of affairs over the years, paying for dinners, drinks, and hotel rooms with his girlfriends. If the client had told me about the bank account, we would have had to include it in the financial statements, and his soon-to-be-ex-wife would have been entitled to half of the money in the account. But the client didn’t tell me. He figured there was no way his wife could have found out about it. But she did. One of his ex-girlfriends was angry with him for dumping her, and she told the wife about the account. The wife’s lawyer sprung it on us in court. As often happens when a judge finds out that a guy is trying to hide assets, the judge awarded the entire amount in the account to the wife.

It’s Not Always “Case Closed” After the Decree

Some men think that if they can hide an asset until the divorce decree becomes final, they’re in the clear. Not so. I had a client who sold a lot of stock when he realized a divorce was on the horizon. He sprinkled the proceeds into a bunch of bank accounts here and there. He disclosed a couple of the accounts, but not all. His wife’s lawyer hired financial consultants — which is not unusual in cases involving a lot of money or complicated holdings — to go through the books. The consultants found almost everything, except for a couple of offshore accounts that had a combined total of about $100,000. I asked the client if what the wife’s consultants found was everything and he said yes. The two sides reached a settlement that was approved by the court, and the case was closed. The client figured he had saved himself about $50,000, since his wife hadn’t found the $100,000 in offshore accounts and avoided having to give her half.

About six months later, a statement from an offshore investment house came to the client’s former home address, where his ex-wife still lived. Puzzled, she handed it to her lawyer. Her lawyer handed it to the financial consultants, who quickly tracked down the account. My client was busted. He came dragging back to me crying for help, but there was nothing I could do. He had lied to his wife, the financial consultants, to the court, and to me, his lawyer. The ex-wife’s lawyer petitioned the court and the case was re-opened. The settlement decree was altered and my former client was ordered to give his ex-wife an additional $100,000 plus her lawyer fees in reopening the case. Why lie and risk losing not only your self-respect but twice as much as it would cost you to tell the truth?

Nothing but the Truth MEANS Nothing but the Truth

Speaking of perjury, clients do ask us about that. Sometimes they have done something wrong, and they want to know if it’s all right to shade the truth while under oath. I think they expect us to wink at them, or give them some sort of signal that it’s okay because this happens all the time in court. Well, we’re not going to do that. We’re not going to encourage or endorse or in any way approve any sort of testimony that is not accurate. Under oath, in response to questioning from your wife’s lawyer, you can answer the questions as narrowly and precisely. But you must tell “nothing but the truth.”

We were recently involved in a case where the wife was independently wealthy, an heiress, and she was asked questions specifically about her trust fund. The heiress answered artfully. She made it sound as if the trust fund was her sole source of income, about $500,000 a year. When it eventually came out on cross-examination that the heiress actually had two other trust funds paying her more than $1 million a year, she ended up paying through the nose, and her lawyer ended up on the wrong end of an ethics investigation.

Revenge and Punishment: Two Traps

Men often misjudge the importance of one particular fact: cheating wives. As lawyers, we try to be sympathetic and listen. We know it’s tough any time someone you love has betrayed you and wants to leave you for someone else. You were good enough for her once, but not anymore. She’s found someone better. That used to matter much more, years ago, in divorce law. If one party committed adultery, that party was at fault, and that was cause for divorce. But things have changed. Many states have no-fault divorce, and even states that still ascribe fault tend to downplay infidelity. In truth, in most divorce cases, and especially in terms of dividing the property, the law and the courts don’t much care if somebody had an affair as long as the children weren’t harmed or marital funds weren’t misused.

But some guys can’t get over it. They want revenge. They need to make it public, they need to punish her, and they need to make her suffer. I remember we had one client who simply couldn’t let it go. “This is the worst thing she could have done to me,” he told us. “Killing me would have been better.” He said this made her a horrible person and a horrible parent. He wanted full custody and wanted her to see their kids as little as possible. It took the judge about two minutes to shoot down that whole rationale. Having an affair typically doesn’t mean the mom is a bad parent. It means she fell out of love, or she found someone else. It happens, it’s human. The law has become less and less interested in the emotional side of divorce and more and more focused solely on the contractual aspects. If that client had been running the case, he probably would have showed himself to be angry and irrational; his wife might have won full custody. Instead, we finally got him to focus a little on other aspects of his wife’s life — she mishandled their money, she kept getting fired from jobs, she didn’t get along with his parents — and we built on a series of small things to the point where we were able to get the guy shared custody.

Sometimes in divorce cases both parties have skeletons that they’d like to keep in the closet, and they tacitly agree not to bring them up. She won’t mention that he hit her, and he won’t mention that he hit her because she was waving a butcher knife. I once had a client who told me that he and his soon-to-be-ex had been swingers. They would go to parties where they’d swap partners with other couples and have sex orgies, sometimes with multiple partners over the course of the evening, one after another, and sometimes multiple partners at once, threesomes and foursomes. His soon-to-be-ex told her lawyer, too. They were involved in a custody battle, but everybody sort of reached an unspoken agreement not to mention the wife-swapping — “don’t ask, don’t tell” — since both were equally involved. It never came up during the proceedings. I’ve got to tell you, though, that throughout the proceedings, the soon-to-be-exes often looked at each other with blazing, angry eyes, and then looked away. I wondered if they were thinking (a) hey, I could destroy him or her if I told about the wife-swapping, and then, (b) oops, I’d be destroying myself, too. It was like a staredown. I, for one, was glad neither of them blinked.

The bottom line is that we know it’s impossible for a client to tell his lawyereverything. A wife might bring up something the husband said seven years earlier in the heat of an argument, and it hadn’t made any difference then or any time since then. But she might bring it up. The important thing is for a man going through divorce to at least hit the highlights of things that might work against him, and then let the lawyer explore the various topics if necessary. If you cheated on your taxes or with another woman, tell your lawyer. If you sometimes holler or sometimes get sullen, tell your lawyer.

Don’t make a stupid mistake: Tell your lawyer everything that might work against you.

This article has been edited and excerpted from the book The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce And How To Avoid Them by Joseph Cordell, Esq. Copyright © 2010. Published by Three Rivers Press. Joseph Cordell is founder, with his wife, Yvonne, of Cordell & Cordell, P.C., one of the leading law firms in United States representing men in family law cases. He is also the creator of For more information, visit

How To Divorce: How Do I Get Joint Custody?

Wondering how to get joint custody? Here’s what you need to know, from divorce lawyer Joseph E. Cordell, the author of the author of “Your Civil War: A Father’s Guide to Winning Child Custody” and “The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce.” Have questions? Ask in the comments.

If you are about to begin a child custody case, you need to familiarize yourself with the phrase “the best interests of the child.”

Almost every state determines child custody and parenting time issues based on the “best interests of the child” standard.

State statutes and case law define this standard differently, but in general there are certain factors and themes that appear in the majority of states.

Child Custody Laws: How Does Your State Decide Custody?

In general, factors in the child custody analysis will include your relationship with your children and your spouse, who the primary caregiver was during your marriage, the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity, the moral fitness of the parties involved, the home, school, and community record of the child, and any other factor considered by the court to be relevant to your family.

The best advice anyone could give a dad preparing for a custody battle is to become as active as possible in the lives of your children and to document everything.

Throughout the divorce process, realize that the court will evaluate your behavior in its entirety, taking into account not only the facts of the case, but also your demeanor. Irrational and aggressive behavior may have a profoundly detrimental effect on your case, so be mindful of your actions throughout the proceedings.

My most recent book “The 10 Stupidest Mistakes Men Make When Facing Divorce” illustrates common blunders dads make that adversely affect their custody chances (e.g., moving out of the home, neglecting the children, etc.).

A crucial aspect that a dad frequently overlooks is the need to at least have joint legal custody if he is not likely to obtain primary physical custody of the child. Legal custody refers to a parent’s decision-making rights regarding a child’s health, education, and welfare. By exercising the veto power granted by joint legal custody, the dad can put the brakes on unilateral decisions the mom may be inclined to make respecting major issues.

In the absence of primary physical custody, joint legal custody becomes an important mechanism to prevent the mom from reducing the father to a child support ATM and glorified every-other-weekend babysitter.

Joseph Cordell is the Principal Partner of Cordell & Cordell, a nationwide domestic litigation firm focused on men’s family law matters. Cordell & Cordell also provides a website dedicated to informing men on the divorce process and the challenges they face. Visit for more information.

Top 3 Mistakes Men Make After Divorce

How often do you read about what men really deal with emotionally and mentally after a divorce? I would dare say not often at all. We rarely hear about the not-so-obvious mistakes that many men — including myself — have made and are making right now. Here are the top three most common mistakes that men make after their marriages have ended:

#1 – Rush back to the altar too soon
Fortunately, I did not make this mistake; I do, however, know many men that have. Men are creatures of habit. If you are in the habit of having a woman cook, clean, or do any of a number of other tasks for you, then it is very difficult to break that pattern. It may sound old fashioned, but many men like having the “lady” around for these reasons, as well as for the company. Unfortunately, this enjoyment sometimes clouds their judgment. Many men are so desperate to have company after a divorce that they marry the first thing in a skirt. They never get to know who this person really is or whether or not they are truly compatible. Before saying “I do” for the second time, take time to become aware of who you really are and learn what matters most to you. When you rediscover yourself, you will be able to easily see if the new person in your life is compatible. I personally recommend that you take two years before even thinking about getting back into the dating scene. During the first year, evaluate what went wrong and start rebuilding your life. During the second year, take time to discover who you are without a wife. For example, go to self-improvement seminars, read self-help books and find a support group or coach. You may be surprised as to what you learn about yourself when you have no one but you to answer to. As Eckhart Tolle says, “Intimate relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.” This can, however, lead us to mistake #2.

#2 – Become the town playboy now that you are single
I must admit that I had a bit of “playboyitis” after my divorce. It felt good to come and go as I pleased, but it gets old pretty fast. I had been out of the dating world for seven years. What was amazing to me was that a lot of the same games that people were playing when I was in college and high school were still being played by people in their 30’s! I was blown away. When I was doing research for my divorce recovery book, I discovered that the herpes virus is most common among persons that are divorced, separated or widowed. What I realized was that people still had extremely casual feelings about sex. In addition to the dangers of sex, there was also the risk of unplanned pregnancies. I know of divorced men that had children with women they didn’t love simply because they used sex as a band-aid to medicate their pain or loneliness. Think about what this may mean for that child. A good question to ask your self is, “Who do I have a chance to become now that I am single again?” Please let it be more than the town playboy. Find one woman that you can settle down with, but please don’t make mistake #3!

#3 – Introduce your children to the new woman in your life way too soon.
I am definitely guilty of this one. I wanted the feeling of my family unit back so badly that I took my kids through a lot of unnecessary heartache. Men, you have to remember that your children have gone through a lot emotionally with the tearing apart of their family. The last thing they need is to see dad with a new woman so soon after the divorce. Children love their parents, and deep down they desire to have them back together. Give them time to adjust before bringing someone new into their lives. If the woman you are dating is really the one for you, then she will understand your decision not to rush into meeting your children. If she does not understand, then you may need to reevaluate your relationship. Does she want what is best for everyone involved? Do what is best for your children.

I hope that these three mistakes have made you stop and think. The key is to remember that you control your actions and decisions. Take this time for self evaluation in order to make the best decisions for you and your children. The last thing you want to do is be the victim of any of these three mistakes!

For continued support for men after divorce, go to

Carlos Phillips, founder of Healed Without Scars Ministries and Joanie Winberg, founder of the National Association of Divorce for Women and Children have joined forces to support men during and after divorce.

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Divorce Questions: How Does Adultery Affect A Divorce Case?

Wondering how cheating could affect your divorce case? Here’s what you need to know, from Katherine Eisold Miller, a collaborative lawyer and family mediator. Have questions? Ask in the comments.

Marriages can end when one member of the couple discovers that the other has had an adulterous relationship. How important is the impact of the extra-marital relationship on the divorce itself? Legally, the answer varies from state to state. In some states, there is very little impact at all while, in others, it can have a substantial influence on the outcome.

Historically, there was a much higher correspondence between adultery and divorce then there is today. Adultery by a woman was often viewed more seriously and punished more harshly than if committed by a man. This remains the case in some countries today, including Iran and Saudi Arabia, where an adulterous wife could face a violent death. In the United States, adultery remains a crime in some states but is rarely prosecuted.

These days, adultery rarely has much of an impact on the distribution of assets — except in cases where one spouse has used marital assets to support the extra-marital relationship. For example, if a husband borrows against a marital asset in order to support his mistress, that fact would likely be taken into account in distributing the assets of the marriage.

Adultery is also unlikely to affect a custody determination so long as the wayward spouse has not carried on the relationship in front of the children or exposed them to inappropriate people or situations during the course of the affair.

In some states where fault is still a factor in divorce proceedings (even where no-fault divorce exists, in some states there is still fault-based divorce that — when proven — can impact support or property division) an adulterous relationship can seriously reduce (or even eliminate) the obligation of one spouse to pay alimony to the unfaithful spouse regardless of need. In addition, alimony already in place is often terminated when a spouse or ex-spouse lives with another person.

If the straying spouse happens to pick up a sexually transmitted disease, and later infects his or her spouse with that illness, that can give rise to a personal injury action between spouses called an interspousal tort.

Far and away the biggest, most likely and most problematic influence adultery will have on a divorce is in the negotiation of settlement. Statistically, divorce cases are overwhelmingly likely to settle — over 90 percent or more in most jurisdictions. A cheating spouse often feels guilty or sheepish in the aftermath of discovery or confession and the cuckolded spouse typically feels angry and retributive. The emotional stance of each party coming into the negotiation can drastically affect the terms of the settlement.

When making important decisions about your finances, your children and your lifestyle it is important to be in as calm a state of mind as possible. People who make the best choices in their divorce negotiations are able to separate their actions from their reactions — in other words, they are able to think about what is best for themselves and their families separately from the emotions they feel about the adultery. Choosing divorce lawyers and other professionals who can work together to support a family through all aspects of this painful situation is probably the best way to get through it successfully. More information about how this can work is available at and

Teaching teens about having healthy relationships

by Natalie Podgorski

Posted on May 1, 2012 at 4:43 PM

BOISE — A group that’s helping Idaho teens learn how to have healthy relationships, and prevent dating violence, is getting national attention.

A New York Times reporter is spending the day with the Idaho Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault to highlight the coalition’s work with teens.

“I was constantly jealous in a relationship and I didn’t realize how important the quality was,” said Sara Leonard.

That was before Sara Leonard got involved with the Idaho Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Assault’s teen dating programs — The Center for Healthy Teen Relationships and Start Strong Idaho.

“Now I am in a relationship actually and I can see how much drastically healthier it is, how much happier I am,” said Sara Leonard.

The coalition says Sara isn’t the only teen who realizes what a healthy relationship looks like. Six years ago, nearly 14 percent of Idaho high school students said they had been hit, slapped or hurt by a dating partner on the national Youth Risk Behavior Survey.  Today, 8.7 percent of teens answer “yes” to that same question.

“A six percent decrease is something to pay attention to,” said Kelly Miller, executive director ICADSV.

Especially since Idaho is the only state to show a decrease in that area.  Now people want to know why Idaho teens are having healthier relationships.

“We really see it as a community problem and so we are providing a community solution,” said Miller.

The coalition works with the state Department of Education, health care providers and youth groups to promote healthy relationships.  And they start early.

“If we really want to prevent abuse later in life we need to start that at middle school,” said Miller.

The coalition teaches teens what healthy relationships look like.

‘We learn that jealousy isn’t a way of showing love.  That communication is key,” said Sara Leonard.

Those lessons are reinforced through events and competitions.  Recently, they held a poetry competition.

“Reeling in nothing except for moss and an old boot. But we are not disappointed because we are just two perfect friends fishing by the river,” said Emily Luker.

Emily Luker won with that poem.  She says writing it helped her think about what good relationships look like and that is the coalition’s ultimate goal.

For more information about the “Center of Healthy Relationships” and “Start Strong Idaho” go to:

Also, an art competition where teens illustrate what healthy relationships look like is happening Tuesday evening in Julia Davis Park in Boise.

Parents and teens are invited to “Chalk Heart” starting at 6:30 p.m. in the sculpture garden.

How To Divorce: How Can I Win In Divorce Court?

Wondering how you can win your divorce case? Here’s what you need to know, from divorce lawyer J. Richard Kulerski, the author of “The Secret to a Friendly Divorce: Your Personal Guide to a Cooperative, Out-of-Court Settlement.” Have questions? Ask in the comments.

There are no winners in a divorce battle; everyone loses. Make no mistake about it. Here’s why:

1. Our legal system cannot give you more than you have when you enter it.
2. No matter what you have when you enter the system, you will leave with less.
3. And this is before the lawyers get a dime.

These are absolute truths. You do not want to go to a divorce trial, unless there is no alternative, i.e. when it is a last resort.

Those who must take their cases to court want or need something that their soon-to-be ex will not agree to give them. Since they are unable to persuade their partner to agree to a mutually acceptable compromise, they have no alternative but to ask that a judge determine who will give or get what.

In order to obtain a result that is better than what your spouse has offered, you must be able to prove a set of facts that warrant a finding in your favor, and you must have the law on your side. You must also resist the temptation to say or do something to shoot yourself in the foot, e.g. act in a way that could make the judge think less of you. This last part is where you have some control over the outcome.

Remember that once the trial starts, the only person you must convince is the judge. Let your lawyer worry about the evidence, the law, and the overall delivery of your case. Your job in the courtroom is to do what you can to present yourself as a reasonable, good, and credible person.

With this in mind, do not grimace, roll your eyes, or use body language to suggest that whoever is testifying on your spouse’s behalf is lying. Do not make faces if you hear something you do not agree with, and do not pass notes to your lawyer when he or she is addressing the court or questioning a witness.

Make things easier on yourself by accepting that your sense of justice or fairness will not dictate the outcome. It is the law that counts, not your personal beliefs.

Accept the law that applies in your case as it is, and not as you wish it to be.

Have faith in your lawyer and take his or her advice, whether you agree with it or not.

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